All Grown Up?

I've started volunteering at the local humane society partly because I'd love to have a pet but Peter's allergies prevent it, partly because one of my goals is to volunteer more of my time and partly because I have an urge to join as many groups and classes as possible in the hopes of finding my one true passion.

My volunteering activities at the SPCA are within a group called Kitty Karma. Basically I hang out with the cats who are waiting to be adopted with the purpose of reducing their stress levels. I figured this was a perfect job for me: low chance of interaction with the public, not terribly messy and just generally a happy thing to do.

For the most part I was completely correct. The cats are almost invariably enthusiastic about your attention and there's something very therapeutic about cuddling a kitty who's purring and cuddling back. It's also very easy work and time passes quickly.

In fact, it's very easy to forget that these are kitties without a home and sometimes no one will adopt them in time. Animals are brought in who have been beaten, starved, left out in the cold and sometimes they've been so neglected and abused they simply can't be put up for adoption because they're a danger to potential owners. I try not to think about that because when I do it makes me feel terribly hopeless.

Usually I have a shirt that I wear while I'm volunteering that I don't mind getting dirty but this time I'd forgotten it. They provide smocks for just such an event and I was dropping mine in the laundry room as I was getting ready to go home. The laundry is right next to the admissions room where people bring in strays and come looking for lost pets and I could hear a man crying on the other side of the wall. Deep, wrenching sobs that nearly sent me into tears myself. You see, as well as providing a home for unwanted and lost pets the SPCA also has a crematorium. This heartbroken man had lost his pet and was saying goodbye for the last time.

I hurried away since I felt like I was eavesdropping on his very private grief. But, even as I walked away with tears in my eyes it reminded me that the majority of people love their pets and would never harm them or abandon them. And I feel a little bit more hopeful today.

Posted by Megan at 2:10 PM | Permalink | Comments

Holy cow. I had a job interview this afternoon and they phoned me to make me an offer three hours later. Three hours? Who makes up her mind that fast?

I'm feeling unprepared, nervous, excited. I'd be taking a pay cut but this job would be doing things I've trained to do. And, I'd be starting out at the ground floor of this department so I'd have say in what could be done. There are all sorts of possibilities.

But, this is my first interview in four years. Should I really accept without looking at other possibilities? I've been tentatively looking for a while but it seems that positions fitting my skills and interests aren't terribly common in Calgary.

Plus, I'd have to start driving to work. I'd miss my morning walks. I'd miss having lunch with Peter every day.

On the other hand, I'd have paid vacation and a benefit plan. I'd have job security and the potential to expand my professional skills. I can even imagine that I'd be able to work from home once I had children. And it's in the Environmental field. Isn't that what I've always wanted? A job that plays to both of my fields of interest?

And then there's the job description. They're expecting I already know what I'm doing. I feel confident in those particular skills in this current job because I'm the only one who needs or uses them so I'm able to tailor the projects to suit my skills. I haven't really been challenged in them and I'm suddenly feeling unsure of myself. What if I can't do what they want?

On top of all of that I'm so unhappy in this current job that I'm ready to jump at anything that presents itself. I'm concerned that I might talk myself into something I don't really want just to have a guaranteed out. A Time of Departure. And truthfully I think the job really will be a tad boring to start with but that could be worth it to be able to grow with the company. I'd never thought of myself as a ladder climber but now I can see myself as a major player within the next 10 years. The VP of...something. Seems silly when I write it down.

So, in summary, part of me thinks this has the makings of a dream job and part of me is standing in a corner, wringing her hands and saying that everything is happening too fast.

I have until Friday at noon to decide.

Posted by Megan at 3:35 PM | Permalink | Comments

When Peter and I hold hands his hand is in front, palm facing behind us, and my hand is behind, palm facing in front of us. That's how it's always been and to switch positions feels wrong to me. I've always assumed that I was a pushy hand-holder and he'd learned to ignore how weird it feels to be the one in front.

Until today.

It turns out that it feels more natural for him to be the front hand. He has a natural preference that is opposite to mine. We're perfect hand-holding partners!

So then I started thinking about other people. I assume this is true of everyone and that most people can't switch back and forth whenever they like. So what happens if you're dating someone with the same preference as you? Who would win? Would you trade? Maybe there would be no hand-holding at all. Maybe we're the only ones and everyone else can adapt!

Someone should do a study.

[Update - August 16, 2006]

Evidently there has been a study. (Perceptual and Motor Skills: 1999 Oct;89(2):537-49) They looked at over 15,000 hand-holding couples and determined that men were statistically more likely to have the "front" hand.

It never even occured to me that my gender would determine my hand-holding preference.

Posted by Megan at 1:50 PM | Permalink | Comments

Amazon.com has the best feature for choosing a book. It's Statistically Improbably Phrases (SIPs)!

"To identify SIPs, our computers scan the text of all books in the Search
Inside! program. If they find a phrase that occurs a large number of times in a
particular book relative to all Search Inside! books, that phrase is a SIP in
that book.
SIPs are not necessarily improbable within a particular book, but
they are improbable relative to all books in Search Inside!. For example, most
SIPs for a book on taxes are tax related. But because we display SIPs in order
of their improbability score, the first SIPs will be on tax topics that this
book mentions more often than other tax books. For works of fiction, SIPs tend
to be distinctive word combinations that often hint at important plot elements."

So in Gerald's Game for instance, the SIPs are: mineral smell, wicker box, space cowboy, posterior ligament and handcuff chains. If you click on an SIP it will tell you how many occurances of that SIP are in that particular book and how many in several other books. The SIP "handcuff chains" are mentioned 5 times in Gerald's Game but only once in The Man Who Listens to Horses.

It likely isn't terribly useful for fiction books it's still an entertaining way to kill an hour at work.

Posted by Megan at 2:23 PM | Permalink | Comments

I read a lot of blogs written by parents. I find them vastly entertaining and informative even though I'm not a parent. I also find them painful. So painful that sometimes I think I should stop reading them. This is because...

I want a baby.

Whew, that's the first time I've said it out loud.

It's the first time because there's really no room for a baby in our current lifestyle and I know this. I'm in the middle of planning a wedding, we're spending a large portion of our savings on a trip to Brazil in October, we're going to the Carribean next summer, I want to do a walking tour of Scotland in the near future, and we eat terribly. If we had a baby most of that would have to stop (except the wedding and the trip to Brazil) and that's not really what I want.

What I really want is both. The proverbial having and eating of cake.

But I can't have both. If I've learned anything from parent blogs it's that your life and priorities change with the arrival of a baby.

So for the moment I'm suppressing this growing need inside me but it's hard to do when I read about the adventures at All & Sundry, Her Bad Mother, A Mommy Story, Motherhood Uncensored, ninepounddictator, Girl's Gone Child and the dads at The Blogfathers. I guess that makes me a masochist.

Posted by Megan at 9:13 AM | Permalink | Comments

On Sunday I went to a Christian rock concert. My sister invited me because the person she bought tickets with has moved to Japan "for good this time" and he left her his ticket. I went along because I like listening to live music and because they had floor seats and I'd never sat on the floor of the Saddledome before.

The music was quite good, the musicians very talented. The two opening groups were much more...pop/worship/ballad-y and the headline group was much more...hard rock-y. The very first group had their lyrics on big screens to either side of the stage. It was nice since it meant I could sing along (and there's nothing I like more than being able to sing along at a concert) but it was funny, like we were all at camp.

Anyway, what I enjoyed most about the concert was watching the audience. It was much different from the rest of the concerts I've attended. The people there were celebrating their faith with music. They danced, they sang, the stood with their hand in the air, palms up, just letting the music wash over them. At one point, when the current singer turned his mic to the crowd, the entire audience was singing and for one second the combination of the energy and the music and the lyrics were so beautiful it took my breath away. Litteraly. They joy in the room was palpable and it was a wonderful thing.

But, the best part? While I was absorbing joy of the people around me and watching their expressions of faith not once did I wish that I believed what they believe. There was a time when I was jealous of their certainty but not anymore. I've made peace, for the moment, with my concept of spirituality and I don't feel a need to seek out someone else's. For the first time since my sister became Christian I feel comfortable in my spiritual skin.

It's a nice place to be.

Posted by Megan at 7:52 AM | Permalink | Comments

So, the company is up for sale. Suddenly the road ahead, which seemed reasonably straight, has developped a bend. Since I'm working on a contract which is finished at the end of November I really have no idea what will happen to me. If the sale closes before my contract is up I may be able to get hired permanently with the new company. If not, the contract won't be renewed and I definitely won't be hired permanently.

I'm thinking the former isn't very likely and that I'm going to be job hunting in the near future. Based on the job postings I've been getting emailed to me there would be plenty of work if I could just move to Vancouver...but I can't. Calgary is where the O&G jobs are and that's where Peter needs to stay if he's going to get any sort of work at all. I love him dearly but I sometimes I wish he had chosen some other field. Something that would allow us to relocate if we had to.

And, as an added bonus, the retention and severance plans were released yesterday so now I know what the "real" employees will get for either sticking around or being let go. I mean I knew what it would say but I'm still pissed that those of us on contract get nothing. It makes me wonder why I put the effort into this job at all. There's all sorts of little things that employees get and contractors don't. Like lunch with the CEO during your birthday lunch, and invitations to parties and membership in the social club. Nothing that I would get excited about if I was entitled, but the sting is there because I'm not.

Posted by Megan at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments